Stress: What We Can and Cannot Control/Change

It seems to me that when it comes to stress, anxiety, anger, and even depression, these feelings are in large part related to trying to control what we cannot control. As human beings, I think we feel a little more peaceful and comforted when we feel as though we have a certain amount of control in our lives (some more than others!) This is not a bad thing, it is important to have the sense of security and safety that some control brings. It's when we feel “out of control” that the stress starts to increase and we begin to feel overwhelmed, frustrated and “stressed out.” The following illustrations are adapted from Stephen R. Covey's book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and the “Serenity Prayer”:

Stress!

If we spend our time and energy on the things that we cannot control or change we will become stressed, anxious, angry and or depressed! What do we try and control over and over again in our lives and have absolutely no success in our efforts? Yes, other people. Now, it may seem that we can control other's actions, but this is really just an illusion. They may change for a short period of time, but eventually they will return to their old behavior if they choose to. It is up to them to change themselves, not you! Remember: YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL YOU!

Peace!

On the other hand, when we spend our time and energy on the things that we can control and change, we experience much more peace and a sense of well being in our life. Ultimately we will be happier! The Serenity Prayer states:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Most people only know the first four lines, but I think the rest of it is very powerful as well! More will be discussed about this in the future.

I know this is not the cure all for stress, anxiety, anger and depression, but I believe when we start to look at our life and acknowledge what we can and cannot control or change, it will be a great start to reducing these unpleasant feelings. I hope this post is helpful! Please comment your thoughts on this if this is helpful.

Make it a great day!

Welcome to "Reach Greater Heights"

 

Life has it's way of making you feel as though you are “going crazy.” In today's world their seems to be a never ending list of things that need to be done, should have been done or must be done. You have more and more responsibilities that demand your time, energy and attention. All of these pressures can make you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and exhausted! When you feel this way, you don't seem to be able to handle your emotions as well as you would like. This may result in being short tempered with your children, your spouse or other people that you care about, which makes you feel like you are not measuring up and that you are not good enough, nor will be ever. How can you live up to the expectations and responsibilities you have?

If this resonates with you, you are not alone! Life is stressful and it can be overwhelming and frustrating. The good news is that it does not have to be that way! Let us look at at what stress is: Stress is the condition or feeling experienced when a person perceives that “demands exceed the personal and social resources the individual is able to mobilize.” In short, stress is what we feel when we think we've lost control of our lives.

You can learn to change your perceptions and learn new coping skills that will reduce the stress in your life and help you gain control of your life. However, if you continue to stay “stressed out,” you more than likely will experience some of the short-term and long-term effects of stress. A few of those effects include:

SHORT-TERM:

Headache, back ache, and neck pain

Low energy

Difficulty in concentrating

Trouble sleeping

Decreased sexual drive

Loss of appetite or increased comfort eating

Anxiety

Depression

Anger

LONG-TERM:

Chronic headaches

Mood swings

Anxiety disorders

Addictions

Heart attack

Disease

Stress is best managed by a multidisciplinary approach. Because stress affects you mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually, focusing on each of these areas will ensure you learn to handle your stress in the most effective way. Unfortunately there is not a “one size fits all” answer to stress management. 

My hope is that this blog will help everyone who is experiencing stress in their life. It will be a place you can go to learn new coping skills to manage your stress more effectively. You also will be able to see that you are not alone in any area you are feeling "stressed out."

Please let me know your thoughts on this post and how this site can help you cope with your stress and life in general. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this!